Embracing The Pura Vida Mindset: Tropical Healing From Mental Health Challenges in Costa Rica

 Embracing The Pura Vida Mindset:

Tropical Healing From Mental Health Challenges in Costa Rica

    Traveling to Costa Rica with a toddler... "Sure, it'll be hard", we thought. "But we can do it!"

    We spaced out the trip as much as we could to make it as smooth-sailing as possible for all of us. We flew out of St. George and got on a connecting flight to Phoenix. Then from Phoenix, we flew to Dallas and stayed in a hotel overnight. 

    Ada, our daughter, did not adjust well to the new environment. We thought she would eventually adjust, since we had traveled to California a handful of times, and although difficult at first, she eventually adjusted. This time, however, her crying was relentless. She was overtired from practically skipping a nap during all of the traveling. 

    We had requested a pack n' play for her to sleep in, and although we stuck to her normal bedtime routine, she cried and screamed until our hearts couldn't take it anymore and we picked her up and rocked her to sleep. 

    When she fell into a deep sleep, we carefully put her down in her crib, and Keric and I were able to relax a little bit. We didn't dare make a noise though in fear of waking her, so no relaxing showers or teeth brushing for us. 

    Keric and I, didn't sleep much with all the stress lingering over our minds from the turmoil that we had just overcome and the thought of all the traveling day that awaited us in the morning.

    When it was time to get up, we were all quite tired. Our quality of sleep was not good. I was also still recovering from a cold which had initially started as a sore throat and was, at this point, progressing to a cough, a lot of congestion, and fatigue.

    For breakfast, we could hardly get Ada to eat. This happens sometimes when she is very distracted. "She'll eat when she's hungry", is what we have been told... so we just had to roll with it and encourage her as much as we could. 

    Afterwards, we got checked out and packed our things onto the shuttle to get to the airport. We had a straight flight to Liberia, Costa Rica. Unfortunately for us, the flight was extremely delayed by several hours. Fortunately though for our family that we were meeting up with, their connecting flight was also extremely delayed, so they were able to catch our flight just in time.

    Knowing that we would get to Costa Rica much later than anticipated, we strongly debated taking a travel credit and staying one more night in Dallas and flying to Costa Rica the following day. But with our family having planned most of the trip, we felt it was best to stick with them and follow them all the way to our destination. We had never driven on our own in a foreign country, so we were a bit nervous for this adventure (especially with now having a little one to care for).

    After we finally boarded the plane, the captain notified us of some gate malfunction that needed maintenance. That took longer than an hour of us sitting in a confined space, just waiting!! It would've been fine if it were just Keric and I (we could've watched a movie or something to help pass the time), but we have a toddler now.

    Despite all the chaos and stress Keric and I were feeling, Ada was an angel traveler to begin with. She did well with her snacks and toys that we brought. She liked to buckle and unbuckle her seat on the airplane over and over again. And when she started to get restless, Ms. Rachel on the iPad came to the rescue every time. 

    The stress we were feeling soon got heavier. Ada hardly napped again, which was now 2 days in a row of poor quality sleep. Not only was she not sleeping great, but she was refusing to eat as well. This girl was surviving off of pouches, milk, and a couple of airplane cookies. We were NOT looking forward to the 2.5 hour drive AFTER getting off the plane to get to our place of stay. 

    Once we finally got off the plane, it was now Ada's bed-time and we had no idea where we were even going to get dinner for her. "Is she even going to eat the food here?", we thought. "She hardly eats the food we give her at home!"

    First thing's first, we had to get a bus to take us to the rental car place. And while the rental car place was literally 5 minutes from the airport, there had just been a car crash that had just happened in that route, preventing us from getting there. So we waited outside in the humidity for an hour or two with all our luggage... tired, hungry, and stressed.

    But finally we were able to get picked up. It was time for me to start practicing my Spanish I had learned on my mission! It felt good to speak the language and to at least be a little bit of help to our family! I was able to ask advice for a place to eat that was open nearby. So as soon as we got our rental car, we were able to stop and get some food.

    Ada only ate a couple of bites, and she looked so tired and hot from the humidity, Keric and I started to feel majorly stressed. We didn't eat much because we were so worried about Ada eating and staying hydrated. Thankfully our car had good air conditioning. 

    Ada fell asleep on the drive there. We tried our best to be as quiet as we could as we followed our family, in the dark, in a new country, all the way to the place we were staying. Ada woke up at one point during the drive and was very upset, so I had to get her out of her carseat (shhh, don't tell) and hold her the rest of the way there. My arm and my back hurt from trying to carefully, but safely, hold her on those bumpy roads. We were all so exhausted.

    After arriving, Keric hurried to go and set up the pack n' play and sound machine as I sat with Ada in the car, so we could gently put her to bed for the night. She woke up a little on the walk inside, but she was still pretty sleepy. As I went to put her in her bed, she FLIPPED out. She was extremely scared and disoriented, so I rocked her to sleep. When we tried putting her in bed, she would wake up startled each time. We tried this process for hours without success. Finally we got her into a deep sleep and were able to successfully put her in her crib. We felt like we were parents of a newborn all over again trying to lower her down without waking her. Keric and I hugged each other with gratitude and tired to bed, but we were so wired with stress that we slept awful. We only got a few hours of sleep, literally. On top of that, my cold was getting worse and I had to try hard not to let my cough wake up Ada.

    "Okay, we're off to a bad start", we said. "But we will reset tomorrow, catch up on sleep, and take it easy". 

    When we woke up, we felt really dizzy from the lack of sleep we had. Ada became extremely clingy to me to the point where she wouldn't let me put her down. I had to go to the bathroom with her on my lap or else she would scream hysterically. We figured it was from such little sleep and that she must still be overtired. 

    The three of us decided to take a shower together so Ada would be most comfortable. Things were going okay initially. Although we were all exhausted, but we were trying to have a positive outlook.

    Things took a turn for the worse, however, when Keric shockingly pointed out a MASSIVE bruise on my leg. I had never had one so big and dark in my entire life; and not only that, but I had no idea where it came from! It was as big as about one and a half tennis balls. I started to PANIC. 

    I was too tired to think rationally. "It's a blood clot", I thought. One of my go-to fears is having a blood clot, and I knew that blood clots were more likely to develop when traveling. The bruise was on the right, back side of my thigh. I knew that blood clots more commonly happen in the calf, and that the surrounding area and below would typically be edematous, red, swollen, and warm to the touch... but my mind was overrun with catastrophizing, irrational thoughts.

    Adrenaline filled my body and I suddenly felt extremely weak and shaky. My stomach was in knots, I lost all appetite, and I started to cry. I was scared. Really scared. I knew I was having a panic attack, so I tried to control my breathing so as to not hyperventilate, as that would only make me feel worse. 

    Keric immediately knew what was wrong and tried to help de-escalate the situation. He recognized that his shocked reaction had unintentionally triggered me. 

    I needed a moment, but Ada wouldn't let me be alone. She would scream if I put her down, which just triggered me even more. I wanted so badly to go to the ER right that moment to just have them rule out a blood clot. It took everything in me to try and remember my therapy tools/resources. "But what if this is an emergency?" This time, there was actual evidence of a problem that people could see on the outside! With a bruise this big, how could I not remember it? It had to be a blood clot. But the more I told myself that, the more I remembered how convinced I was with all the other panic attacks I had had in the past. What if I go to the ER and they say everything is fine? Yes, that would give me relief, but that would waste a lot of money for something that wasn't an actual emergency.

    I had to be strong and try to tell myself that this was most definitely panic. True, it could be a blood clot... but it could also not be. And either way, I was still panicking. 

    So I managed to put on some clothes and get Ada dressed. Poor Keric felt helpless because Ada wouldn't let him do anything, but little does he know that he helped take care of us more than he'll ever know. I kept having multiple, mini panic attacks, but I got through them. I couldn't get myself to eat breakfast because I felt so nauseous, and I cried the entire morning. 

    We really wanted to join our family in a lot of the activities they had planned, so we were bummed we had to miss out on a lot of them.

    After breakfast, I tried to get my mind off of its anxious thoughts, so I tried to go swimming with Ada at the pool where we were staying. She liked it for a little while, but wanted to get out pretty quick. We had her go down for a nap pretty early because she was clearly very tired, along with the two of us. 

    We knew we had to try really hard to get her to have a good quality nap so she could catch up on sleep, but she wouldn't give up her crying each time we attempted to put her in the crib. We tried to let her cry-it-out, but that was NOT working in the slightest. She was too old for that at this point. I had to sit outside where I couldn't hear her, and I sat and cried. Keric and I soon gave up and decided to let her just cuddle with us until she hopefully would fall asleep. She only wanted to sleep on top of me, and she was extremely anxious that I would leave her. So any slight movement would wake her. 

    Once she was asleep on me, we all just relaxed together in bed until she woke up. Keric was also able to give me a priesthood blessing which helped give me some peace of mind. He also gave me my ear buds so I could listen to an audiobook. I listened to one of the books my therapist recommended, called: "A Liberated Mind" by Steven C. Hayes, PhD. It was truly the perfect book for me at that time, so I feel really blessed looking back. 

    The book helped me begin to start to understand Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) therapy a bit better, which is a therapy used to help an individual learn to be okay, with not being okay. It helps one learn how to obtain the strength to move forward, regardless of difficult circumstances. In this therapy, a therapist helps the individual to accept reality and uncomfortable feelings for what they are. They are taught how to commit to, and act, on values, regardless of their current hardships. They learn to have empathy for the way they think and feel, and they are encouraged to be mindful, by navigating their thoughts to the present moment.

    My therapist has introduced this to me, but I have had a hard time grasping the whole concept of it. This book was to help me understand it better! I only got a few chapters into it (during this whole experience) in Costa Rica, but those few chapters were so relatable and helped give me understanding enough to make it through that period of panic.

    I realized that the whole time, I just wanted to make my panic go away. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to figure out what the problem was, and fix it so I didn't have to feel all the uncomfortable feelings I was feeling.

    But trying to "fix" it was actually what caused the stress that caused the panic. I learned more about my inner thought voice - it presents ideas, but I am the ultimate decider of what I choose to do with those ideas. 

    I'm still trying to understand it, but this experience in Costa Rica was definitely a good start. I could hear my therapist in my head agreeing with me when I would say: "This sucks." Because, yes, it does suck! And that's all there is to it. It sucks. And the more I allowed that sucky feeling to stay with me, my brain was eventually able to realize that as time went on... the "danger" I thought I was in wasn't actually danger. And if even if it had actually been danger, with time, I would've gotten the help that I needed. My uncomfortable feelings didn't need to control my actions.

    As I had these realizations, we still struggled. That night, after staying home most of the day (other than getting groceries for food to eat), Ada refused to sleep in her crib. We kept thinking we could get her into a deep sleep and sneak her into her bed like the last couple of nights, but that didn't happen. We tried multiple times, but to no avail. We knew if we could get her to sleep in her crib, then we would all sleep better, but we were out of luck.

    We allowed Ada to co-sleep with us after much defeat. I had a hard time sleeping because she wanted to ONLY sleep on my stomach. Eventually I was able to slide her off to sleep next to me, but she kept waking up extremely anxious, panicked, and disoriented. It was heartbreaking. 

    The next day was full of panic attacks due to the lack of sleep I was getting (that, along with the cold that I still had!). We tried to get out and do a waterfall hike, but that was a major fail. I kept having mini panic attacks because every time I felt "something" on my leg, I was re-triggered. We returned back to the house full of tears and discouragement. We strongly considered going back home, but knew we didn't have the energy to make the long travel back. So we stayed and pushed through. 

    We finally got somewhat of a Costa Rica routine with Ada. We all started getting used to our new, temporary norm. We were able to all adjust to co-sleeping each night and napping together. We succumbed to defeat, did the best we could, and relied on prayer and the Lord. 

    After a couple days of misery, and more sleep, we were able to recover enough to have an okay time! I convinced myself that I just had a large bruise, not a blood clot. I still don't know how I got it, but figured it must've happened at some point during the travel! Ada stopped eating, which worried us a lot, but we encouraged her as much as we could to eat and drink. She was peeing and pooping, and we had enough snacks and milk to get her through. 

    Ada became very attached to me and only let me do anything for her. I held her basically the entire time, except for when we put her in the baby carrier during hikes! We were in survival mode for sure, but we made the best of it.

    We did have some fun times after the first few days! Once we got a decent amount of sleep and food in us, our energy came back and our spirits lifted up. My panic disorder quickly resolved and our only worry was Ada. We tried to do things we thought she would enjoy. We went on a couple waterfall hikes, the beach, a zoo, and hanging bridges!

    Keric was our biggest support. He reminded me of what a success it was that I had panic disorder in a foreign country, and although I wanted to go to the ER, I was able to tolerate my uncomfortable feelings until they passed.

    After we got home, we found out Ada must've been sick, because on our last day in Costa Rica, I got ANOTHER sore throat (just as I was finally starting to recover from my cold). Shortly after, Keric got the same thing. Poor girl was sick and we made her go out and "have fun". 

    Needless to say, we won't be traveling anytime soon 😅. That was enough adventure for us for quite some time now.

    When people ask me "how was Costa Rica", I'm still not sure what to say. It was a mixture of good and bad, but we learned and grew a lot together as a family. I believe that our faith in God increased, and I also believe that it was excellent exposure therapy for me and my mental health.

    The phrase "pura vida" is often exchanged in Costa Rica, which translates to "pure life" or "simple life" in English. It embodies a way of living that emphasizes a positive and optimistic outlook, simplicity, and a relaxed lifestyle. It's often used as a greeting or farewell, expressing well-wishes for a pure and joyful life.

   At the time, I found that phrase quite annoying to hear, because it sure didn't feel like pura vida. What was supposed to be a fun and relaxing vacation ended up being stressful, worrisome, and depressing! We jokingly kept referring to it as a "God-forsaken, sleepless land" and the "trip from hell". But I think it was a good lesson for me, that life is going to have hardships. I'm not immune to that... and as I continue to have trials throughout my life, I can embrace the pura vida mindset. I can choose how to live my life despite the uncomfortable feelings that I undoubtedly will have. That is my goal as I learn more about ACT and how to incorporate it in my life!

So... until the next life-struggle, pura vida!